So here is where I let some of my thoughts leak out.....

It was the first night in their new apartment. Their. She smiled in her sleep as she thought about them having quiet evenings together. They shared a big king sized bed with a great big white comforter, she had two pillows, he had three. She slept on the right side and he on the left.

It was perfect.

Tonight, he was reading one of his books and she was already asleep. He looked over at her and smiled. He leaned over and kissed her shoulder. She moved closer to him in her sleep. He put his book down on the nightstand and turned off the light. He scooted next to her body and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Hey,” he whispered into her ear.

She squirmed and inched closer to him. Opening her eyes, she smiled, sleepily. “Hey.” She rubbed her eyes. “Was I snoring?”

“No,” he said, “You look so beautiful when you’re asleep.” He tucked a piece of long hair behind her ear.

She smiled at this. He always had a way with words, especially the ones that made her heart melt. “How was your book?”

“It wasn’t very entertaining,” he said.

“So you thought you’d bug me?” She smiled and kissed his neck.

He nodded. “Yeah. What kind of plates should we get?”

“Aren’t the ones your mother gave us good enough?”

“I guess. I want something that we picked out ourselves though,” he said. He cuddled her to him and kissed her forehead. “Or am I just being crazy?”

She shook her head. “No. What would you want for plates? We could run out someplace tomorrow, maybe.”

“I was thinking about something more…elegant, perhaps?”

“Elegant, you?”

He nodded.

She moved to lay on her back, still wrapped in his arms. She stroked his arm with her fingertips. “Elegant dishes.” She turned her head to look at him. “Honey, that would be china.”

“So?”

She wrinkled her nose, then smiled. “You want china?”

“Yeah.” He pressed his lips against her hair. “We are finally married after all.”

“And your point, my love?”

“We didn’t get to pick out china patterns.”

She laughed. He said such wonderful things. Throwing her arms around him, she kissed him on the lips she knew so well.

“Just as long as you don’t get to choose the color,” she whispered before they fell asleep.

you kinda bailed me out dude – of my painful imprisonment, and i decided to take a moment to say thanks.
so thank you, for just being an indispensable party for that time (you know what time) – you were a resolution, and an expert witness qualified enough to understand me and give opinion, despite your ‘non-existence’ (i’m referring to the internet). i value what you gave me and it can not be quantified.
i want to say thanks for being the booster rocket that set me in motion, for being illumination per unit area of my life. you brought the energy that fueled and generated electricity in my entire system.
you my dear are a nuclear magnetic person who will forever resonate through the centre of my heart.
i want to thank you for being the brightness that brought radiance into my gloom and continues to do so every second we both breathe. you are an inspiration and you have inflamed my heart. thank you for being the excitement that energizes the passionate part of me – nothing compares to your love – it brings out the best in me. i will love you always – you have my loyalty, my trust, my body and my soul.

Wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. There is that lovely sweet smell coming in through the window. The rain drops are tiptoeing across the rooftop. I pull my hands closer to my body, days like this are perfect. I see the rain falling, splashing into the streets. It’s almost hypnotizing to watch. I’m safe here. I’m comfortable. I love it. I really couldn’t ask for a better day. As I bring my warm cup of tea to my lips I think to myself, “how does life get any better than this?”

You creep up behind me and curl your arms longingly around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head softly. I look up into your eyes and you smile.

The romantic gesture sags with the weight of convention; it is framed as an exchange of gifts and stock phrases. Social conditions reduce love to a marriage of convenience allowing aging bodies to temporarily forget about the imminence of death. Physical and emotional intimacy are tools for dispelling the loneliness that would otherwise open aspace for the contemplation of non existence.
But take away the tacky conventions and bland comforts of romance, and love is not a distraction from existential crisis-it is a crisis, a sensation of the present so powerful it brings about a confrontation with the void. Unconditional love suffocates and seizes, subdues and annexes. It has the immediacy of both an orgasm and a pistol to the head.

There may be nothing more damaging than knowing something is wrong and convincing yourself it is otherwise. Whether you do so because of your own or others’ unwillingness to name what is not right, the effect is the same – you cut yourself off from your own truth. You have no other purpose here than to live that very truth of yourself. Without it, Life cannot possibly have any meaning.

Such beauty comes about when the sun goes down.
When night comes, newlyweds crawl into bed to start their families.
When the dark comes, children finally triumph over their fears.
When the evening rolls around, those of mankind beaten down by the hand of labor can finally rest.
When the sun goes down, the sky is naked in all it’s celestial beauty.
When the sun retreats every walk of life is content and placid in it’s dreams.
The true beauty of the world comes about when the sun dies to be reborn.

voyeuristic, tick tick boom. like shark’s teeth in my womb. grasping at my walls, enclosed, aflame. write on, little girl, your words like inky weeds, will wrap you up in atoms and atoms of safety. so you can watch from your bedside table with warmth and tea leaves the lives of others pass by in motion picture soundtrack ease. this is when it builds you up, and this is where you crash, but none of it is quite as real as the numbness in your fingertips. but it sounds nice, doesn’t it? like an idea, like an ideal. something you can aspire to, something you can feel. tandem bike rides through the park, and one unique beat of two separate hearts.

We sat watching the late afternoon
sun turn the dust into flecks of gold
that drifted above our heads like the ghosts
of thoughts or the debris of our private wars.
I asked why you thought dust
always stayed in the
air instead of falling to the ground;
you said it’s because lighter
objects always gravitate
toward heavier objects and since
almost everything is
heavier than dust, it can’t
decide which way to go and floats around
being pulled through the
air in every direction.
Don’t be the dust, you said.
Know where you want to go.

But us humans are so
heavy, so dense with anxiety
and dark matter. We’re
sinking through our mattresses,
through the dirt we’re buried
in, through our lovers
and ourselves.
Dust is so light, it
laughs at us as our
gravity sucks up everything
in the world we don’t
want. We have
forgotten how to catch
the light, how
to fall upwards and
let go. Be the
dust, I said.
Be the dust.

There is a deep, unhealing wound in me that compels me to hate you for your halfness. It is a muted, unthinking, impersonal rage that comes from being too much for one’s given place. Just too much to be in this time, this place, this limited consciousness and way of being. My soul was born for the dusk on fields, great chasms of earth, white breath on cold starred nights. You would not be these things with me, and that took from me my sovereign whole, left me with this broken aloneness. I long for the destruction of this binding, this limitedness, this self – may I be reborn into an emptiness great enough to hold all I love without resentment.

Sometimes when things
Don’t go our way
We get so upset
It ruins our day

It’s hard sometimes
When we feel bad
Not to think about our troubles
And not to get mad

We have to take
The bad with the good
I know it’s hard
But we should

I understand
What you’re going through
If you need me
I’m here for you

So cheer up and
Don’t let things get you down
Focus on the good in your life
There’s plenty to be found.