I am waiting, energy gathered and stilled for the moment that is coming.
I’ve been ready for so long, that nervousness has fallen away and the deeper, sub verbal currents of feeling are all that is left to my internal life.
There is no need to exaggerate nor possibility of diminishing the size of what is coming. Some changes are susceptible to the whims of a perception driven by fear and hope. This one is too great for that – it is as undeniable as the hurricane or earthquake through which Nature reveals her full force. It is perfect and devastating in its power and inevitability.
Choices were made long ago to bring me into this great force’s path. Some were before memories, others more recent. The last was an answer to a Call that did not require my understanding, only my trust. This will come now, if for no other reason than my desire of it being has become greater than my own entirety.
The only decision left to me at this moment is how desperately I will cling to what I was.
Could I have understood how fundamentally altering this would be? How its power would rip away my constructed bits of self like a wind stripping leaves from a tree? How its great current would scour my identity and leave only the basalt bedrock of what I am and am meant to be?
I will not hold on to what I was, but I will not seek to rid myself of it either. I will only let go and find out what is to be taken away and what is to be taken with me. I must risk the terrifying possiblity that there will be nothing left after this is done for the single hope that the uncompromising core of who I am will be found on the other side. This will either decimate me entirely or make my soul irrevocably manifest in the world.
Destiny is the undeniable force which draws us toward ourselves. To follow it, though, we must first let go of all we are.
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